The boat that swings diagonally ~

You cannot co-exist with anyone , you last uttered
I beg to differ , it is I with whom I cannot exist
This is where the complicated is simple
Where one moment , your mind initiates what your mind wouldn't allow
Is that how far my sickness has gotten?
I project the delusions while I try to speak in the name of insecurity
I fall into a disconnected circuit while it is my Reality I am screaming out
And it is no longer a matter of hurting the One for hurt has merely become the medium
For remorse to snap its fingers and authenticate the Losses
This is not My state of being out of control ; This is where Control loses itself in me.

I am your Reason ~

Hadn't I known your love is Spherical , would I be spinning now?
Why have you always seen me coming and strove to lock me up in this Freedom?
Yes , you presented yourself in my possession but please can you show me my limits?
You've put me in the wild Void , one that is filled with open fields of possibilities
You are to me the utmost case of Ambiguity and I am to myself the addicted poet to your yearning puzzles
Has tranquility ever passed us by lately?
It is not that bizarre after all , and it wouldn't occur otherwise any way... that
I am your Reason
For this past life Serendipity ~

To Fathom Oddity

I am in that place where , there's huge traffic of thoughts but the fingers shiver 

Where I know exactly what I came for but once I got there , amnesia stroke me 

This forgetfulness is no other than the companion of confusion , not of my own but of my senses

My senses dictate the words, the identity , I just move around them in beautiful fathomless spirals

Thus I decided to re-locate , I chose your mind and Your mind let me in 

Have you incarnated into Fate? For I've seen nothing but movements and designs 

Evolving around the path of my foot-prints..

Haven't you heard of my recent pain? One that became so concrete that All I feel now is Abstract 

That made me impose on myself a fake desire to escape my true pleasure , that exquisite essence..

Without which I cannot enter unconsciousness , my Real Awareness
Without which I cannot return back to what is known as Reality
You are the link , not by choice , by existence
You are the ashes , that I become upon burning 

And when you speak the words , Words turn themselves into action ~

Myself beyond the latter ~

Love is as characteristic as one's own character , it is not shaped nor felt by any universal design
Love beckons us at all times , while it is timeless , it seeks our minds and hearts while we lose them
You and I might have ended as lovers , but Love has never seized to drunken us from its Spirit
And beyond sky-high peaks of pain , myself finds herself hooked on you more than ever
Because that's what Love and Pain have imprinted on me
I am the adored of their breed , I am living in reverse
Bewildered by this state , one with regenerated emotions of memories that memory chose to forget
What I am tasting , is the flavor of all lovers yet we do not carry the same elements within
The name under which my emotion exists is Universal , yet my feelings target me alone
My self in every cell is their destination and they have taken toll on me
They modified me , they identified with me , they know I have not met them before
They are aware they are my first and they have finally captured me
I have been their prey for many years while Love was a far-fetched matter
And as hard as it was to fall , it will be even harder to fall out
Who would I be without them , I wouldn't tell , I could never recognize
And beyond lingering plains of Love ,  there He is with full knowledge of it All
Could it be that what's mine is a replica of what is his?
While the Sun and the Earth seem to meet at the Horizon , it is only a visual fusion of the colors of our mind
These are the odds upon which We'll find one another , upon which the hand of my Soul will caress his ~

Words of Ink and Tears

I remember a time where words flowed from my fingers like the floods from rivers and waterfalls
They seem to have missed when they'd cross my inspiration and I'd join them together to make a universal bond
Pulses spread all over my body , to each organ a heart of its own and to each word a beat
This typing process does not appeal to me or them
They would want you to see how my feather draws the lines and turns of their characters
My childhood is a matter of walls I used to fill with ink and colors
Each wall of my room was a chapter and pages carried within them the thoughts of an unusual girl
Landscapes of scattered words , they were my shelter
My bed was the rock I'd climb on to reach my sky
A time where nothing made sense except a world that is not seen through her people's acts
Her diaries were her advocates , they were the provider of her rights
Her anger has known papers , and the ink did long for the tears to mingle
The walls were painted blank and the sheets were torn and ripped to bits
The ink dried out and so did the tears..
All has vanished , I remain with the girl within the layers of my memories.

Conversations with Time

I thought I knew the meaning of most things
until last month happened
all past complaints seemed like a desired wish to regain
all worries in the world faded, life didn't matter any more
not because I do not see its value ; Life is proving itself
though time goes on and takes one along
I stopped at a certain point but could not watch Time pass by
It lingered around me and became a visionary , showing me
- through my eyes - the eyes that I can no longer find my peace within
I never thought I'd see the day where all tasteful matters become poisonous
what's painfully fascinating is how the wall cracked from all angles
and I became a stranger to what I thought I knew as my self.
I became a day-dreamer , not the kind that I used to be
Nocturnal I was , until the night became judgmental
Feelings grew beyond me , and the soul and the mind sealed a conspiracy
I don't know what's right from wrong
because what was right is wrongfully gone.



~* Very scared of the coming , because we do fear the unknown.. holding on to a 'make-believe' comforting thought is not so comforting after all. What will become of us , We can't even think right to know *~

That first step.

I honestly don't know what to talk about , when I have a full universe to tell
Some of the best things have already been said , and some could not possibly be said..

I do have a story to share , I have only merely spilled parts here and there so far - but what's the point?

That'll not do it any justice , I was once told to write whatever comes to mind , and mine is eager to let out what the heart and soul have tasted , I have tasted loss , not the kind that one has never been through before but it's just that All losses cannot possibly come at once , because no matter what one would still have one's self. I don't. I believe any 'normal' human being is a non-diagnosed case , I am living mine , I do not seek identification or knowledge of the latter ; I find it interesting. It created for me this weird bubble that will soon become a window for you to open and drown in my own world of words and utterances.
My sadness is not the kind that calls for tears , it's one that makes you believe in a concept we are all familiar with yet fail to achieve to the utmost.."Change".
April's feather will draw Her poetry ~ Poetry that belongs to you.