Sunday, November 16, 2014

Alexithymia

You're my freshest mystery, yet a solved riddle, one with concealed secrets I am eager to know about...I desire to delve in the skin of your mind and explore its flow in all its corners; As the forest craves darkness to indulge in its nocturnal attire, my thoughts travel to yours seeking them like magnets.
An appeal beyond attraction; not an attachment, not an addiction, rather a refined intrigue unlike others' mental dullnesses. A vulgar display of sensuality, it may seem...but you arouse in me a certain calamity.
Ambivalence has never struck me nor sunk deep in me as it has since you poured your confusion into my restless mind, once at ease. You disturb my peace with sweet anguish as senses long for what they've tasted, again & again..a flavor they cannot wash away rather insist it lingers, replicates and plants its seeds in my soils. Quite the unknown harvest to anticipate, but that I do..
For the unknown is a rare quality amidst habitual patterns, the encores of love affairs and others. Anticipation that lacks all expectations, you leave space for none. So vague, so absurd, so delicious with each added bafflement...perplexity at its best. I drown...in a muse completely unaware, I suppose, of its own waves.
I observe my reflection as I mutter whispers of my impressions of you...I identify no word uttered, just sighs on the loops of your palpable absence when your body is not in touch with mine, when conversations of our eyes are muted.
One infatuation after the other, you layered me within the several characters you've explicitly functioned through, so far, and rare did I understand...
Cheeks slide over my chest, shoulder to shoulder, eyes swimmingly closed, lips enticingly half-bitten - the images in my head clash on my body - I press harder to grasp the energy they emit.
A chaotic demonstration of orgasmic exhalations exchanged with piercing looks, of distant moments that never made any sense, of electrifying laughter or a mere lisp, of anxiety over missing you and not knowing if you do too.
You speak my language and I yours, sometimes. When we don't, I enjoy losing myself on your alien lands, until I realize that I lose you each time we're apart, and I regain another you.  

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Myth*

"Write the story of us...for us"
While pain ignites memories and memories ignite pain; the pain you've inflicted in me ignited the death of our memories.
A masterpiece of amnesia, our love tastes like.
Have I ever known you at all? Is there a story to tell?
This is the loss of a story that I no longer mourn...a sorrowless case I no longer recognize; my senses fail me and so does my mind.
I don't feel you anymore, I don't recall how I ever have. A blank page I never thought I'd regain.
To feed on your remembrance is no longer a possibility for your existence reincarnated into the myth you always were, not even a figment of your own imagination. You're not real, you're not unreal, you're an attempt of a creation destroyed by its own mechanism.
"I only know myself because I know you"
There is no you, if knowing yourself is by thinking you know me.
Unless...I am agony.
Unless...I am sufferance.
Unless...I am melancholy.
Unless...I am insanity.
Unless...I am guilt.
Unless...I am violence.
Unless...I am rage.
Unless...I am disgust.
In that case, I am you.

                                                                                                          October 29th, 2014.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Hypnosis ~


Some objects are too sacred to touch, and I remain too scared…
The memory they embody is too intense for the vulnerability of my senses
Instead, they speak to me of your secrets, ones you yourself don't know
Whispers of how they caught your attention as they reminded you of me
Extensive description of my image in your eyes as you contemplated them
They adored being a reflection of me to your beautiful mind
Their favorite part is when you held them as if you were caressing a part of my body
They told me of your smile when you imagined mine upon receiving them
They revealed the hums you uttered, the poetry your lips spilled, the kind of surreal rituals we share, that transcending state of mutual completion
 You poured pieces of my charade into their lifeless structure and they became poets of your mysteries
Some objects are an immortal extension of you and as the layers of your schizophrenic contradiction sink deeper, so do they grow stronger, fed on your insanity, high on my myth
Some objects are yearning for that bodily impact, and I remain too scared.. In their absence, they howl my name with your own voice, that resonating sound that became the background of my landscapes
Will I be able to quench their thirst, or was it mine all along, hypnotized by the memory's irresistible urge to come alive? 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The boat that swings diagonally ~

You cannot co-exist with anyone , you last uttered
I beg to differ , it is I with whom I cannot exist
This is where the complicated is simple
Where one moment , your mind initiates what your mind wouldn't allow
Is that how far my sickness has gotten?
I project the delusions while I try to speak in the name of insecurity
I fall into a disconnected circuit while it is my Reality I am screaming out
And it is no longer a matter of hurting the One for hurt has merely become the medium
For remorse to snap its fingers and authenticate the Losses
This is not My state of being out of control ; This is where Control loses itself in me.

Monday, March 26, 2012

I am your Reason ~

Hadn't I known your love is Spherical , would I be spinning now?
Why have you always seen me coming and strove to lock me up in this Freedom?
Yes , you presented yourself in my possession but please can you show me my limits?
You've put me in the wild Void , one that is filled with open fields of possibilities
You are to me the utmost case of Ambiguity and I am to myself the addicted poet to your yearning puzzles
Has tranquility ever passed us by lately?
It is not that bizarre after all , and it wouldn't occur otherwise any way... that
I am your Reason
For this past life Serendipity ~

Saturday, March 10, 2012

To Fathom Oddity

I am in that place where , there's huge traffic of thoughts but the fingers shiver 
Where I know exactly what I came for but once I got there , amnesia stroke me 
This forgetfulness is no other than the companion of confusion , not of my own but of my senses
My senses dictate the words, the identity , I just move around them in beautiful fathomless spirals
Thus I decided to re-locate , I chose your mind and Your mind let me in 
Have you incarnated into Fate? For I've seen nothing but movements and designs 
Evolving around the path of my foot-prints..
Haven't you heard of my recent pain? One that became so concrete that All I feel now is Abstract 
That made me impose on myself a fake desire to escape my true pleasure , that exquisite essence..
Without which I cannot enter unconsciousness , my Real Awareness
Without which I cannot return back to what is known as Reality
You are the link , not by choice , by existence
You are the ashes , that I become upon burning 
And when you speak the words , Words turn themselves into action ~

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Myself beyond the latter ~

Love is as characteristic as one's own character , it is not shaped nor felt by any universal design
Love beckons us at all times , while it is timeless , it seeks our minds and hearts while we lose them
You and I might have ended as lovers , but Love has never seized to drunken us from its Spirit
And beyond sky-high peaks of pain , myself finds herself hooked on you more than ever
Because that's what Love and Pain have imprinted on me
I am the adored of their breed , I am living in reverse
Bewildered by this state , one with regenerated emotions of memories that memory chose to forget
What I am tasting , is the flavor of all lovers yet we do not carry the same elements within
The name under which my emotion exists is Universal , yet my feelings target me alone
My self in every cell is their destination and they have taken toll on me
They modified me , they identified with me , they know I have not met them before
They are aware they are my first and they have finally captured me
I have been their prey for many years while Love was a far-fetched matter
And as hard as it was to fall , it will be even harder to fall out
Who would I be without them , I wouldn't tell , I could never recognize
And beyond lingering plains of Love ,  there He is with full knowledge of it All
Could it be that what's mine is a replica of what is his?
While the Sun and the Earth seem to meet at the Horizon , it is only a visual fusion of the colors of our mind
These are the odds upon which We'll find one another , upon which the hand of my Soul will caress his ~